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Encountering denial, particularly when it happens repeatedly, is not a great feeling. A publisher is saying no, delivering a definite “Not interested.” Working in writing, I am well acquainted with rejection. I commenced pitching articles half a century past, just after finishing university. Since then, I have had two novels rejected, along with nonfiction proposals and numerous short stories. During the recent 20 years, specializing in personal essays, the rejections have only increased. In a typical week, I get a rejection frequently—amounting to in excess of 100 times a year. In total, rejections throughout my life number in the thousands. Today, I could claim a master’s in rejection.

However, is this a woe-is-me tirade? Absolutely not. Because, at last, at seven decades plus three, I have accepted being turned down.

By What Means Have I Accomplished This?

Some context: By this stage, just about everyone and their distant cousin has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never kept score my win-lose ratio—that would be deeply dispiriting.

As an illustration: lately, a publication turned down 20 articles consecutively before approving one. Back in 2016, at least 50 editors vetoed my memoir proposal before one accepted it. Subsequently, 25 representatives declined a project. One editor even asked that I submit potential guest essays only once a month.

My Seven Stages of Setback

When I was younger, every no hurt. I felt attacked. It seemed like my work being rejected, but me as a person.

No sooner a submission was turned down, I would start the phases of denial:

• First, disbelief. How could this happen? How could editors be overlook my talent?
• Next, refusal to accept. Certainly you’ve rejected the wrong person? This must be an oversight.
• Then, dismissal. What do any of you know? Who appointed you to decide on my labours? They’re foolish and the magazine is poor. I reject your rejection.
• Fourth, irritation at them, then frustration with me. Why do I subject myself to this? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, negotiating (preferably accompanied by false hope). What does it require you to see me as a exceptional creator?
• Then, sadness. I lack skill. Additionally, I’ll never be successful.

I experienced this over many years.

Excellent Company

Certainly, I was in good fellowship. Stories of authors whose books was originally declined are plentiful. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Virtually all famous writer was first rejected. Because they managed to persevere, then perhaps I could, too. Michael Jordan was cut from his school team. The majority of Presidents over the past six decades had been defeated in campaigns. The filmmaker claims that his movie pitch and attempt to appear were declined numerous times. For him, denial as someone blowing a bugle to motivate me and get going, instead of giving up,” he stated.

The Seventh Stage

Then, as I reached my 60s and 70s, I reached the final phase of rejection. Acceptance. Now, I better understand the multiple factors why an editor says no. For starters, an publisher may have just published a comparable article, or have one in progress, or simply be thinking about something along the same lines for a different writer.

Or, less promisingly, my pitch is of limited interest. Or maybe the editor thinks I don’t have the experience or reputation to be suitable. Perhaps is no longer in the market for the work I am submitting. Or was busy and read my piece hastily to recognize its value.

Feel free call it an awakening. Any work can be declined, and for numerous reasons, and there is virtually not much you can do about it. Certain reasons for rejection are permanently out of your hands.

Within Control

Additional reasons are your fault. Let’s face it, my ideas and work may sometimes be flawed. They may be irrelevant and resonance, or the idea I am trying to express is insufficiently dramatised. Alternatively I’m being obviously derivative. Or a part about my writing style, particularly commas, was unacceptable.

The essence is that, regardless of all my decades of effort and rejection, I have achieved published in many places. I’ve written two books—my first when I was 51, my second, a autobiography, at retirement age—and in excess of 1,000 articles. Those pieces have appeared in publications big and little, in diverse outlets. My first op-ed was published when I was 26—and I have now submitted to many places for 50 years.

Still, no bestsellers, no book signings publicly, no spots on TV programs, no speeches, no honors, no big awards, no Nobel, and no Presidential Medal. But I can better accept rejection at this stage, because my, small achievements have softened the stings of my setbacks. I can afford to be thoughtful about it all at this point.

Educational Rejection

Rejection can be educational, but provided that you listen to what it’s indicating. If not, you will likely just keep seeing denial incorrectly. So what lessons have I gained?

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